yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
