We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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