Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
