dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
