How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
