I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
