so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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