Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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