ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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