I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
