My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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