marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
