If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
