I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
