new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
