just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
