I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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