Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
