this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So apparently I’m into choking now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
