My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
