NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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