Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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