Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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