too bad you live with your parents still
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
