Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
