Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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