Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
