Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
