"it" just moved
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
