im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
