You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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