her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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