Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
