I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
