i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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