Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
