so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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