you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
