So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
well you can't waste a boner
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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