I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
