Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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