remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
