Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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