I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
