everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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