I cannot find my penis.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
