if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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