Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
