you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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