We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
