Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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