idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
