Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
