i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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