This is not my ceiling
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
