i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All the doctor said was why
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I love you.
Bad choice
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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