If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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