I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
