Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
